and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
