The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
