the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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