google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
