Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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