jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
everyone is single if you try hard enough
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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