Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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