hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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