I think my fart just growled at me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
