i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
