so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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