hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
