Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
