so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
