I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
