3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So many bounce houses so little time
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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