my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
