"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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