I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
