Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
