Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
