i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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