They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
