my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
