So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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