he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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