i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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