I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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