I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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