"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think my fart just growled at me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
