did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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