I hate your face
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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