YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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