but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
