When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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