See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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