Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
