So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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