Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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