Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
