I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
oh god was she eating orange peels again
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
