So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
