You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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