Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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