Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I cut my penus on the lid.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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