so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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