She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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