i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
