I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
