pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
