No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
