it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
