we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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