yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
