Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
