He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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