so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
