I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
