I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
