you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just high enough for therapy.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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