I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize