If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
