Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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