My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize