Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
