I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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