btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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