Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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