Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize