sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
