The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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