I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Girls should come with a carfax report
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
