I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
