Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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