wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
