Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
