the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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