If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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