apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
