Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
