you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize