dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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