Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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