Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
