you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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