I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
