All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
