I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
