I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
