I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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