About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
