how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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