They should really pass out barf bags in church
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize