Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
