what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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