She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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