I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
