I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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