Already got asked if we're dating
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dick very happy bro
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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