you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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