cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
