I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
