she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
