Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
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