I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
