i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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