My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
