what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
