You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
