I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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